It has truly become a crazy year, so many amazing adventures, changes, and new beginnings. The new little mini cargo van did amazing on her first road trip down to Vancouver and the island. We made a few stops along the way, in Canmore and Field, went down and stayed a couple nights in Kelowna, visited some old friends, walked along the waterfront and cleared our heads. Do you know what one of my favourite feeling in the world is? Seeing friends you haven’t seen in years, and nothing has changed. They welcome you into their house even though its been years since you have seen them. Have hardly stayed in contact, but they are still just the same awesome people that you initially fell in friend-love with. This was actually the second time in the last year that I have randomly called her up and asked “ hey can I use your shower?” Van life has its challenges and sometimes you do have to rely on the kindness of friends and loved ones, best of all I get to spend a little more time with them. We popped over to see my best friend on the island near Qualicum and as always, forgot to take pictures of ourselves together. She is literally the most beautiful soul I could ever have the honour of calling my best friend. Her bulldog “ Meatball ” is the soul reason I got Rubix, and one of the many reasons I fell in love with this woman. We got out to camp in little Qualicum falls and did a mini day hike to the waterfalls, which were stunning!
It’s a weird thing in life, people come and people go. Some stick around for a long time, some teach us lesson’s, and sometimes, or the rare occasion, you have one that just holds on to you so tightly, that through all the rough that life has to offer, they still never let go.( those are the one’s you should probably be good too. ) I know Im not the easiest person to be around right now, Im angry, heartbroken, bitter, happy, excited, eager, anxious, snappy, and about every other emotion you can dream up, but I’m moving forward. I promised myself I would find my happy, and when I went looking, I thought I had it, but realized soon after, that happy is something that only you can control. It’s not a person, place or thing. Its a feeling, and its a choice. Lately I have struggled to keep a smile on, to trust people, to believe when someone tells me they love me. I have had rough sleeps, rough nights and rough sex, but at the end of the day I still have to tell myself “I’m ok”.
I have always been a firm believer in “self medicating”. Not the kind you take with water an hour after you eat. I mean, to give yourself exactly what your body is asking for, Love, travel, food, sleep, sex, adventures, cuddles, alone time,a creative outlet and, most importantly, puppy cuddles. The most important thing in life is to listen to your heart, sometimes its not always right, but always remember, don’t get bitter, get better. Take each lesson that life has to offer you, be grateful, be thankful for the ones who never left your side. Be grateful for the love and the time that people give you. Then, if your path eventually comes to a dead end, be versatile enough to change direction’s.
“The most important thing in life is to listen to your heart, sometimes its not always right, but always remember, don’t get bitter, get better.”
I haven’t just changed directions, I have ran deep through the forest and decided I didn’t want to stay on the path anyways. I have finally cracked down and buried my nose into the books, to study everything I can learn about my next venture. I quit dancing completely after a really crappy altercation. With the help of one of the most amazing, loyal and sometimes challenging man I have ever met, I have gotten the nudge and a lending hand to slam that door completely. Somewhere on my search for happiness I discovered, instead, what was actually making me unhappy. The root of all my problems, getting naked and dancing for money. Yes I made a lot of money, yes I met a lot of amazing women, yes I was able to travel the world, and yes I got ahead in life, but no, I wasn’t happy. I put up with a lot from that career choice for 10 years, I don’t drink at work and I don’t do drugs, which Im very proud to say, kept my head on straight and focused on my goals. The downside is, you see everything, you have feelings, your soul hurts. Its a dark place full of miserable people, and eventually your heart aches. I wasn’t strong enough to take the abuse, verbal, mental, physical. It wasn’t me anymore and I have never been more happy about selling all my stripper belongings and diving deep in my new endeavours. Embracing my unintentional life purge and starting a fresh start!
I’m going to finish off this post by giving a little credit to an old friend. He has been there for me though the hard times and the good since I was 22. He has honestly helped me collect all my marbles through this whole life change. He has been my shoulder to cry on through every heartache, life’s many obstacles, death’s and really tough spot’s. He has had my back for the last 6 years and never asked for anything in return but my friendship. He is probably the most solid man I know ( aside from my pops, of course! ) So Im sure he will read this but I just wanted to say thanks Ian, for always being there for me and never giving up, no matter how many times I tried to push you away, you never let me fall.