So, Im starting a blog. Im sure my journey has started out like many others before me. I have quit everything and decided to just do life for a bit. Well, for an un-ended amount of time. Until I figure out who I really am and what I am going to do with my life next.
I suppose its best to introduce myself first before I go off on a massive rant of my life story and what the hell I am doing. I am currently 28 years old, I grew up just outside of Vancouver B.C and (unfortunately) moved to Edmonton, Alberta about 5 years ago. My name is Samantha Edwards and I am a 10 year veteran of the exotic dancing world. I am officially unemployed as of one month ago! I am also an avid journal-er, coffee drinker, dog enthusiast and travel lover.
I had finally gotten to the point that I mentally could not be a stripper anymore, not to mention had gotten so physically sick of complete strangers watching me “shake what my mama gave me”. Repeatedly becoming your alias over time, and having to pretend all men’s jokes are funny. That every specimen of man is actually interesting, can make you very unsure of who you actually are anymore. I was tired of playing nice to awful people. I was tired of continuously running away to a different country just to “find myself” again, I just wanted to travel too, well, travel! This time I vowed to make sure I was never lost again.
So here I sit, In my 19 ft ford Econoline 250 camper van, With my two dogs, Rubix, my 6.5 yr old English bulldog, and Bali my 1.5 yr old Frenchton, pondering all my life choices and past mistakes, staring down the California coast with the biggest grin on my face. I have done it. Im back.
Im sure I’m not the only one who has to run away from life just to think clearly. I get so caught up trying to plan my future and make good decisions that, I admit it, I lost sight of all the simple things. The most important things. And when you work in an atmosphere of very opinionated, strong minded women, sometimes its hard to get a rational view on the actual situation.
I left travelling because, well, I was at a crossroads. I have a good life, don’t get me wrong, I am very financially comfortable, due too selling my soul for many years (apparently the going rate for souls is quite high) I have great friends, and a very supportive and stable family, And up until a few months ago, I had an amazing fiancé. I got cold feet because I was scared of change, I was scared to let go of the control. However, Some people would say I had it all. I have travelled a good chunk of the world, including South America, Central America, a bit of Europe and even managed to spend 6 months in south east Asia. And now Im travelling America, driving across with my two pups and seeing as many parks and beaches as we can get our toes dirty in.
Maybe I was running away, I mean why else would you want to leave everything that I had worked for, behind, too live off 2 pairs of shorts, no hair straighteners, be consistently covered in mosquito bites and risk getting violently ill from some strange foreign disease. Or have no idea where they were in a country that doesn’t speak english, when they live so comfortably at home. I do!Because sometimes you have to stand on your own to prove to yourself you still can. Its taken me a long time to finally say Im done with dancing but its probably the best thing I have ever done for my own soul, and couldn’t be more excited about where my life is headed next.
I love the feeling of not being in control when Im travelling, However, when I return I always seem to become the most controlling, neurotic, slightly obsessive compulsive person I know. Not anymore, Im officially Sam now, and till the day I die, I have promised myself I will be nothing else. I will explore every corner of my creativity and I am going to find out who I really am after all these years. So these are the stories of my journey as I struggle to find me, navigate the ( sometimes not dog friendly ) world with my two dogs, and try to put the pieces of my love life back together. Wish me luck!